Thursday, November 19, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
The Mishap of a Wedding (Final)
(Continue from The Mishap of a Wedding Part 2)
Secondly, I warned my fiancé that the man I’m marrying must be a man with balls, though my character fit the balls pretty well too. I need a best friend, a lover and a husband but not a SON.
Third… My anger vanished. I felt guilty for my fiancé, no man should be asked to choose between his mother and his wife and I’m not that type of person who will separate a man from his mother. I sat him down again and explained where went wrong, what I can and can’t tolerate. I guess he understood what I said to him because after that incident he became a man. Will it stick? I’m not too sure.
At least, my fiancé saw the ugly part of his mother and realize how bad it affected me. After all these, I can’t blame it on my fiancé (I’m not being bias or because I love him) because he can’t control what is going to happen and especially his mother. He can tell his mother that she is rude, disrespectful and silly but he can’t stop her, but he still can draw the line.
My realisation:
It’s not my fiancé fault; he loves me too much to hurt me on purpose.
No matter what happened, she is still his mother and end of the she is doing what she think is the best for my fiancé.
I want everyone to be happy during my wedding, no anger and sour face.
My wedding is important but my fiancé feeling is even more important.
After going through the logic and reasoning thinking, I know I have to let go of all these and start a brand new life with my fiancé (which we are heading to that direction, we are moving to the next level). I told my fiancé to give me some time off before I can see his mother face again if not I might just say something to insult her (my fiancé knows me very well and he knows I will do it).
The final conclusion is we have a line that no parents can cross.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Mishap of a Wedding (Part 2)
After the funeral ceremony ended and everyone was settling down, I was reasoning with myself about what happened and thought of discussing it with my fiancé. I tried to make things as simple as possible so that he can understand what I was going through. It was so difficult and I was exploding like dynamites at everything my fiancé said. Finally we came to conclusion; he will talk to his mother.
It took a lot of compromising and patience to agree to each other. My energy was all sucked out and I was basically lifeless. My fiancé promised me, he will try his best to persuade his mum to change her mind about the 100 days thing. Why do I want to stick to my original date? I will simplify it.
PROS
• My actual date is 16th January 2010.
• We are doing everything in one day. Church then dinner.
• We have booked restaurant and church.
• We have paid deposit to the restaurant.
• We have set the date for gown fitting and photography, which we have enough time for our parents to show off our wedding album.
CONS
• We can’t have our wedding in November; too rush so we must plan for December.
• Somehow, some way people like to have wedding in December. Most of the places are booked and not like we have any other options, since we already paid RM3000 deposit. So, we have to pick whatever available date.
• I was so closed to not having any gowns to wear because most of the gowns are booked.
• Our wedding album will only be ready by the first week of December.
• My wedding clashes with my best friend engagement party.
• Everything has to reschedule.
Why don’t we pick a date that’s convenient to us? This is the best part. According to my mother in law, we have already asked the master (sifu) to pick the previous date, and now we have to stick to it. Why? I have no idea and she didn’t give my fiancé a reason. I did my tantrum dance at home; it was beautifully danced on the marble floor. Then I said to my fiancé “Fine, as long as your mother go with you to the master shop”. My fiancé have no slightest clue about this type of things, so to me it’s always safer to have parents there. They always ask the right questions at the right time.
So, my fiancé spoke to his mum, trying his best to tell her the pros and cons of it and it turned ugly. He tried inviting her to join him to meet with the master (sifu), but she rejected him. Why? (This I have the answer for you) She said she doesn’t want to go because she is a Christian and she doesn’t believe in this kind of things. Huh?? What?? Yeah, that’s exactly how I reacted. Then it turned ugly, really ugly. She disowned him and told him that he disrespected her by answering back. Does it make any sense to you? Basically, what she is trying to tell her son is “My way or the highway”. I gave my fiancé back the same thing “Wife way or the highway”. You see, my fiancé was stuck in between. One is his mother and one is going to be his wife. He obviously wants to please both but it’s not easy. What I wanted is for him to stand firm and tell his mother off about her ideas.
Oooh… How I did my tantrum dance all around the house, the marble floor and the wooden floor, I definitely have mastered it by now. The tantrum dance was going on for a few days and I rather enjoyed it. During the tantrum dance, I had this little knock on my head. I stopped and I think (actually using my brain instead of my feet and hands), then it became clear to me.
First of all, I’m angry about all these “Better to believe than not, just in case something happen”, “I don’t believe in this kind of things, I’m a Christian/Protestant/what-so-ever”. She was confusing me, is she really a Protestant or not, or is she just believing in whatever that is conveniently for her to believe or she just want to believe in things that she would like to believe in? I really have no clue about it and I gave up trying to solve it.
To be continued... again...
It took a lot of compromising and patience to agree to each other. My energy was all sucked out and I was basically lifeless. My fiancé promised me, he will try his best to persuade his mum to change her mind about the 100 days thing. Why do I want to stick to my original date? I will simplify it.
PROS
• My actual date is 16th January 2010.
• We are doing everything in one day. Church then dinner.
• We have booked restaurant and church.
• We have paid deposit to the restaurant.
• We have set the date for gown fitting and photography, which we have enough time for our parents to show off our wedding album.
CONS
• We can’t have our wedding in November; too rush so we must plan for December.
• Somehow, some way people like to have wedding in December. Most of the places are booked and not like we have any other options, since we already paid RM3000 deposit. So, we have to pick whatever available date.
• I was so closed to not having any gowns to wear because most of the gowns are booked.
• Our wedding album will only be ready by the first week of December.
• My wedding clashes with my best friend engagement party.
• Everything has to reschedule.
Why don’t we pick a date that’s convenient to us? This is the best part. According to my mother in law, we have already asked the master (sifu) to pick the previous date, and now we have to stick to it. Why? I have no idea and she didn’t give my fiancé a reason. I did my tantrum dance at home; it was beautifully danced on the marble floor. Then I said to my fiancé “Fine, as long as your mother go with you to the master shop”. My fiancé have no slightest clue about this type of things, so to me it’s always safer to have parents there. They always ask the right questions at the right time.
So, my fiancé spoke to his mum, trying his best to tell her the pros and cons of it and it turned ugly. He tried inviting her to join him to meet with the master (sifu), but she rejected him. Why? (This I have the answer for you) She said she doesn’t want to go because she is a Christian and she doesn’t believe in this kind of things. Huh?? What?? Yeah, that’s exactly how I reacted. Then it turned ugly, really ugly. She disowned him and told him that he disrespected her by answering back. Does it make any sense to you? Basically, what she is trying to tell her son is “My way or the highway”. I gave my fiancé back the same thing “Wife way or the highway”. You see, my fiancé was stuck in between. One is his mother and one is going to be his wife. He obviously wants to please both but it’s not easy. What I wanted is for him to stand firm and tell his mother off about her ideas.
Oooh… How I did my tantrum dance all around the house, the marble floor and the wooden floor, I definitely have mastered it by now. The tantrum dance was going on for a few days and I rather enjoyed it. During the tantrum dance, I had this little knock on my head. I stopped and I think (actually using my brain instead of my feet and hands), then it became clear to me.
First of all, I’m angry about all these “Better to believe than not, just in case something happen”, “I don’t believe in this kind of things, I’m a Christian/Protestant/what-so-ever”. She was confusing me, is she really a Protestant or not, or is she just believing in whatever that is conveniently for her to believe or she just want to believe in things that she would like to believe in? I really have no clue about it and I gave up trying to solve it.
To be continued... again...
The Mishap of a Wedding
I feel I should write about this but I'm positive, a lot of people will disagree with me or get offended. But I'm not judging anyone; it’s just my own opinions and experiences.
My fiancé and I had too many arguments till it came to a point I was about to give up. I wanted to cancel it off and just lead a normal, happy, single life. Our arguments was about everything; decorations, themes, photo shooting, shoes, suits, house renovations, sofas and the ultimate one… parents. I’m not sure how many couples out there have gone through these problems but I know I did and I really didn’t like it.
I’m a very stubborn person, what I want is what I want. When all the planning and scouting was going on, in my mind “This is ours wedding, Andrew and Elizabeth’s wedding”. Only we and no one else; I was so wrong, wrong to the extend I felt dumb. Do you know how insulting this is? Gosh, the amount of stress and migraine I have gone through.
My grandmother passed away at a slight-off timing but she passed away at the age of 92. To Chinese, this is called the ‘Golden Age’ (it was a Taoism funeral) and because of the 'Golden Age' thing we don’t have a lot of forbidden rules (reminder: I’m a Catholic). This is when hell broke loose…
My mother-in-law and my fiancé was trying to stop me from attending the funeral (mind you, I love my grandmother). How insane can that be? I mean my fiancé?? Come on, he should know better… My mum is a very detailed person and knowing that her daughter is getting married soon, she will definitely take what-so-ever precaution and talk to the master (sifu) about it. If my mum said it’s okay to go but don’t do the prayers stuff, means its okay for me to go. Who are they to tell me not to go??
I think I’m confusing you, let me straighten it out for easier understanding.
• My fiancé is a free thinker.
• My in laws are Protestant
• My mum is a Catholic but she believes in both ways (Taoism).
• I’m a Catholic.
Now do you see the connection? My fiancé is a free thinker but he is trying to persuade me not to attend the funeral because not good for the wedding (does it link?? From a free thinker, suddenly he believe in all those things. I was confused for a while). My mother in law suddenly became the master of know-it-all. She tried persuading me not to go for the funeral (of course, I refused), then tried telling me if my grandmother funeral was done in the Christian style, then there will be no forbidden rules to follow. If it’s done in the Taoism style then too bad, have to follow a what-so-ever forbidden rule which is the wedding have to be done within a 100 days or 2 years later. Is she trying to get me to convert my dead grandmother? Since when my mother in law converted to a Taoist, I thought she was a Protestant?
I told my fiancé off and I told him how upset and disappointed I was about all these ridiculous stuff. At the funeral (the first day), I spent half the day crying and begging my mum to let me go (thanks to my brother and sister in law, my mum finally gave in and let me go) and I spent half the evening laughing. The next day I couldn’t decide whether I’m happy or sad. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad because I lost my grandmother but I was happy because she passed away peacefully, no suffering and no pain. I was trying so hard not to be mad and not to scream at anyone…
To be continued...
My fiancé and I had too many arguments till it came to a point I was about to give up. I wanted to cancel it off and just lead a normal, happy, single life. Our arguments was about everything; decorations, themes, photo shooting, shoes, suits, house renovations, sofas and the ultimate one… parents. I’m not sure how many couples out there have gone through these problems but I know I did and I really didn’t like it.
I’m a very stubborn person, what I want is what I want. When all the planning and scouting was going on, in my mind “This is ours wedding, Andrew and Elizabeth’s wedding”. Only we and no one else; I was so wrong, wrong to the extend I felt dumb. Do you know how insulting this is? Gosh, the amount of stress and migraine I have gone through.
My grandmother passed away at a slight-off timing but she passed away at the age of 92. To Chinese, this is called the ‘Golden Age’ (it was a Taoism funeral) and because of the 'Golden Age' thing we don’t have a lot of forbidden rules (reminder: I’m a Catholic). This is when hell broke loose…
My mother-in-law and my fiancé was trying to stop me from attending the funeral (mind you, I love my grandmother). How insane can that be? I mean my fiancé?? Come on, he should know better… My mum is a very detailed person and knowing that her daughter is getting married soon, she will definitely take what-so-ever precaution and talk to the master (sifu) about it. If my mum said it’s okay to go but don’t do the prayers stuff, means its okay for me to go. Who are they to tell me not to go??
I think I’m confusing you, let me straighten it out for easier understanding.
• My fiancé is a free thinker.
• My in laws are Protestant
• My mum is a Catholic but she believes in both ways (Taoism).
• I’m a Catholic.
Now do you see the connection? My fiancé is a free thinker but he is trying to persuade me not to attend the funeral because not good for the wedding (does it link?? From a free thinker, suddenly he believe in all those things. I was confused for a while). My mother in law suddenly became the master of know-it-all. She tried persuading me not to go for the funeral (of course, I refused), then tried telling me if my grandmother funeral was done in the Christian style, then there will be no forbidden rules to follow. If it’s done in the Taoism style then too bad, have to follow a what-so-ever forbidden rule which is the wedding have to be done within a 100 days or 2 years later. Is she trying to get me to convert my dead grandmother? Since when my mother in law converted to a Taoist, I thought she was a Protestant?
I told my fiancé off and I told him how upset and disappointed I was about all these ridiculous stuff. At the funeral (the first day), I spent half the day crying and begging my mum to let me go (thanks to my brother and sister in law, my mum finally gave in and let me go) and I spent half the evening laughing. The next day I couldn’t decide whether I’m happy or sad. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad because I lost my grandmother but I was happy because she passed away peacefully, no suffering and no pain. I was trying so hard not to be mad and not to scream at anyone…
To be continued...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
To be beautiful or Not??
Continuing from “It was all gooooooood…” I did nothing from the month of June till July. I was busy with my work and I was happy as a lamb (still in my la-la land).
Then came August, the right time to look for a beautician salon. I was (as usual) doing my research, where, who, how much and does it really work… So many but yet I still have no idea which to go for; Beyond Beauty, Body Perfect, Bella, Slimming Sanctuary and etc. I have to say, it’s a good business to venture in because the packages are bloody expensive. Cut the story short, I joined Slimming Sanctuary in Bandar Puteri Puchong and we paid RM55++ for a good deal (in a way). The package was good in sense of, it was customised for my skin type (I was not forced to take anything that I have no interest in) and the skin problem I have and the people there are friendly. They are willing to answer any of my questions (I paid and I’m entitled to ask anything I want to). The package we bought will last us till after the wedding...
These are the few things I learned during the session/discussion with the wedding studio and the beautician. We will start with the beautician first:
Notepad
If possible try to memorise as much as you can on what kind of packages they are offering you, how many sessions and of course, the price (most of the time, they will write down on a piece of paper, explaining to you what is what and also the price. But they will not allow you to take that piece of paper). Every time you come out from one beautician salon, spend a few minutes jotting down on your notepad whatever you remember. From there you will know which of which is giving the best price and packages.
Budget and Bargain
After all the effort of memorising and jotting down, by now you should have short-listed at least 3 of them that gives you the best offer. Now you go back to them again, and tell them whoever is offering you this package for this price and this many sessions. Ask them whether they can do better than what you are offered. Well, no guarantee but at least they will try. Remember to ask about the payment terms. I’m cash, debit card and cheque person, no credit card. I was very frank to them regarding the payment and I was surprise that they actually compromised. Now I’m paying monthly with either debit card or cheque, which is much easier for me. Thanks Slimming Sanctuary (Bandar Puteri Puchong).
Don’t be Shy
When I did my first facial, I had a bit of problems. My eczema popped out, it was like 20 cents coins at my both cheek and it was bloody itchy. When I went for my body massage and scrub session I told the manager (I put on my cute little puppy face) and immediately the manager told me she want to do another quick facial for me to stop the eczema. At that moment I thought, shit, she is going to charge a bomb for this but I was wrong. It was FOC because it’s their responsibility and they can’t afford having a customer running around telling people “This is what happened after the facial they did for me”. So, when you encounter allergies or reaction, instead of trying to heal it yourself go to them and ask for help.
P/S: Ask them what you can and can’t use. They are the pro so trust them instead of the promoters from the cosmetic counters.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
It was all gooooooood…
After all the fuss and buzz of the wedding, we decided to post-pone it to January 16th. We have booked the church and the restaurant (for safety reason, we booked as early as we can).
So, January 16th sounds perfectly good. Now, we need to look for photographers. Initially we wanted to have our pre-wedding pictures taken by professional freelancers but the price was off and plus we either rent my gown or tailor it, which it didn’t really make any sense to me, so we decided to go for the wedding studio stuff. I was researching online and we also went to the exhibition in Mid-Valley. I have this peculiar taste for wedding photos and I was pretty much turned off by a lot of the wedding studio styles, till I saw this really, really nice greenery shoots. We had a chat with the sales people and there we go… we bought the package. It was all gooooooood…
I have already planned out what I want to wear and how my make-up is going to be, what my husband-to-be will be wearing and so on… It was all gooooooood…
So, January 16th sounds perfectly good. Now, we need to look for photographers. Initially we wanted to have our pre-wedding pictures taken by professional freelancers but the price was off and plus we either rent my gown or tailor it, which it didn’t really make any sense to me, so we decided to go for the wedding studio stuff. I was researching online and we also went to the exhibition in Mid-Valley. I have this peculiar taste for wedding photos and I was pretty much turned off by a lot of the wedding studio styles, till I saw this really, really nice greenery shoots. We had a chat with the sales people and there we go… we bought the package. It was all gooooooood…
I have already planned out what I want to wear and how my make-up is going to be, what my husband-to-be will be wearing and so on… It was all gooooooood…
Initial Planning
Let me see, I’m trying to remember exactly how all these started.
It was out of the blue that we decided to get married and knowing my husband-to-be, there was no proper proposal but its okay because he promised he will compensate back. But still, I held it against him for a while and made fun of him.
This is the stressful part… I can plan very well, but I’m not very good at taking action. My husband-to-be is very good at implementation but horrible at planning. Things were a wee-bit tangle up and there was a lot of screaming especially from my end. But it is something we have to deal with and talk or scream through it (like it or not).
My mother had the master to pick an auspicious date for our wedding (mind you we are Christian). But what the heck, it’s something she believes in and at least she feels useful and included for her daughter’s wedding. So, the date is 3rd October 2009. Yeah!! We have a date!!!
I wanted a garden wedding but it’s not going to happen. Why, you ask? Answer to that is, because my husband-to-be said it’s too expensive and we shall go for a restaurant dinner… Errr… Okay, I guess. The reason why I said okay is because… the dinner is actually not for us; it’s for people who we are going to invite and for parents to gloat. So, why spend so much time and energy thinking about it?
Fine, we decided restaurant will do and we did our restaurant hunting. Bad neeewwwssss… It seems like the entire restaurants kingdom has something against us, they are all booked on the 3rd since a year ago. I was cursing left, right and centre. WHY??? Okay… okay… chill. Solution, I need solution. Then we decided we will have the dinner on Friday evening and church on Saturday (our biggest mistake). All churches are booked too!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!
In this duration of time, we had hell lot of arguments. We argue nearly about everything, even on things that has nothing to do with the wedding. I feel silly now thinking about it =P but this is life. This is how things are going to be, 2 different people with different opinions. What I want may not be what he wants. We have to find ways to solve the problems instead of dwelling in it and blaming each other for whatever it is. Talking is difficult, when I talk he zoned out and when he talks I zoned out (or I will start screaming and jumping around like a mad woman).
Well, it’s was not easy but it was not impossible to talk it out. Obviously, there’s a lot of compromise to make. I gave my husband-to-be a list of things that I must have or must be my way and he did the same. Where is the list? Gone with the wind.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Introduction
I'm getting married, very soon. I have been keeping all these 'exciting' news and stories since last year and I'm letting it all out now. It's all about the ups and downs about my wedding and also about the expenditure of it.
Whatever I'm writing is based on my own experience and I have no means to insult or hurt anyone. If you want to voice your opinion, please do so but please be nice.
If you find what I write interest you, don't hesitate to comment or ask any related questions.
Whatever I'm writing is based on my own experience and I have no means to insult or hurt anyone. If you want to voice your opinion, please do so but please be nice.
If you find what I write interest you, don't hesitate to comment or ask any related questions.